Is this a classroom or The Jerry Springer Show?

So just before lunch I was called down to one of the reading classrooms because one of my students had thrown a pencil across the room, refused to pick it up, and was scratching the crap out of the reading teacher. I get down there and try to calm her down but as I've learned this year once she's fired up there's no reasoning with her. I usually let her sit somewhere in the classroom or the hall to let her compose herself. I suggested this but the other teacher would have none of it as she crossed the girl's arms and held them behind her back. The principal is called and we are instructed to bring her down to the office. I ask her if she would walk down there herself on her two feet with me and she replies that she'll just run down the hall and I'll have to chase her. I call her bluff, she is released and sure enough I should have taken her at her word as she heads toward the kindergarten hallway. Using my obscenely long legs I catch her and have to carry her down to the office with the help of the reading teacher. I try to keep control of her rapidly kicking feet but not soon enough as she kicks me in the balls four times in rapid succession. So for the rest of the day I'll be speaking in a high pitch voice even more annoying than Dakota Fanning's. To make matters worse she proceeds to call the other teacher a fu***** bi***. Now she doesn't just say it to her. She screams it and almost in unison all of the classroom doors slam shut hoping to block out any more dialogue straight out of Reservoir Dogs. To make a long story short she finally makes it to the principal's office and knocks every single book off her bookshelf. So here I now sit eating a lukewarm Banquet pepperoni pizza microwave meal and trying to zone out to Sir Paul. But to the rest of you have a wonderful day.