Special

I just got back from spending the last hour in a special ed room full of first and second graders. Their teacher had to step out for a meeting so they pulled me in their since I have a student teacher. Let me just tell you that I have complete admiration for special ed teachers. It takes a truly gifted person to do that job day after day. Being in there felt like the longest hour of my life. This from a guy who spent 60 minutes in the waiting room of the E.R. with a collapsed lung and sat through an entire set by the Counting Crows when they opened for John Mayer.

As soon as the teacher left one of the boys started crying. Now this wasn't your standard tear or two. Rather it was uncontrollable, snot-streaming-out-of-your-nose sobbing. I tried having him come sit beside me, making goofy faces, talking about recess, all to no avail. I became so desperate that I began secretly supplying him with jelly beans that I found in a dusty candy jar. After eating 75 jelly beans I'm sure he'll have a royal stomach ache by lunch time and be bouncing off the walls from a sugar high this afternoon but at least it kept him quiet.

While they were completing a worksheet a boy raised his hand. As I went over to answer his question he simply said "I like Home Alone." I responded that I liked it as well and that as soon as he was done with the assignment we could talk about it. Refusing to do work, he just kept yelling out lines from the movie.

This is it. Don't get scared now.
Buzz, don't be a moron.
I hope that I never see any of you jerks again.

I tried unsuccessfully to get him quiet but by that point he had the whole room's attention. Smiling he yelled at the top of his lungs:

I wouldn't let you sleep in my room if you were growing on my ass!

A boy sitting on his own in the back of room continually picked his nose the entire time I was in there. It's bad enough to pick your nose but wiping your boogers in your hair is where I draw the line. Needless to say, after the teacher returned and I started to exit, the boy ran up to me, wrapped his snotty fingers around me, and gave me a big hug as he nestled his crusty head into my chest. I love happy endings.