Freaks and geeks

Yesterday I went to the Cardinals game with dad. Now it wouldn't be a trip to the ballpark without getting stuck in the middle of annoying freaks. Behind us was a 50-year old man who kept discussing baseball movies. Now mind you I love Field of Dreams, Pride of the Yankees, and The Natural just like anybody else. My quibble is when someone starts quoting lines from The Sandlot 3, The Benchwarmers, and Mr. 3000. Some pieces of dialogue should never have been written, nonetheless repeated. My day would have been just fine without having to hear the man in the next row recite the following line from Summer Catch: "I'm pretty sure I just poo pooed in my panties." He then went on to talk about a movie he had just rented the other night. In fact, he actually called Miss Congeniality 2 one of the funniest movies he's seen in a long time. Let me be frank: I laughed more during surgery as my hemorrhoids were being cut out with a meat cleaver.

To the left of us was an annoying girl who did not shut up the entire first four innings. She talked through the national anthem, the starting lineups, the guess the attendance question, and even the game where you have to figure out under which cap the ball is hidden. She told a charming story about how she was driving home late one night when a man on a bike darted in front of her. The man's bike went flying and she jumped out of her car to assess the damage. However, she wasn't worried about the man so much as she was concerned about her car. As she retold the story, the girl said "There was blood all over his head and I didn't even care if I got AIDS. I just wanted to get it off my car." It's not very often that you get the opportunity to meet the Angelina Jolie of St. Louis. Later on she began boasting about how many hip clubs in town she's visited. Correct me if I'm wrong but St. Louis isn't exactly known for being a trendy hangout. I mean I've never seen Ryan Seacrest report on Lindsay Lohan driving drunk into the Mississippi River. The girl even took it a step further to say that her friends view her as something of a celebrity now because she's partied with so many celebrities. I just wanted to shake her and tell her that that doesn't really classify you as a celebrity. Now the day I see her in the pages of Us Weekly checking into rehab with no panties on then I might reconsider. My ears perked up in anticipation as she spoke, ready to hear untold stories of debauchery alongside of some of Hollywood's biggest names. Her "celebrity" friends included Jesse McCartney, Derrick from Road Rules, and some guy name Brian Glazer. Now even I didn't recognize that name so I looked it up on IMDB and this guy's only claim to fame is that he appeared on the second season of Average Joe. I'd classify Ella as a bigger celebrity.