So yesterday the line-up for this season's Dancing with the Stars was announced. Now this is a show that I despise on many levels. I hate the costumes, the judges, the host, and especially the dancing. My real problem with it is the "stars" that it showcases. Now I understand that the first couple of seasons it's hard to get big-name talent, but now it's a huge hit going into its fourth season. I don't expect to see Denzel Washington or Jennifer Aniston doing a samba, but I do expect to see bigger stars than Billy Ray Cyrus, Leeza Gibbons, and Steve Sanders from 90210. It's pretty sad when your biggest celebrity is Heather Mills-McCartney, the gold-digging, one-legged ex-wife of the greatest singer/songwriter of all time. So to help the show become a bit more respectable I've brainstormed a few suggestions of stars they should try to land in upcoming seasons:
* Jerry Maguire child star Jonathan Lipnicki
* My second grade teacher Miss Fryman
* Jason Alexander, Britney Spears' 55 hour husband
* Sporty Spice
* Jaleel White, Urkel from Family Matters
* One of the remaining non-Academy Award nominated members of Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch
* Magic, the dog from those Old Navy commercials
* John Wayne Bobbit, the man whose wife cut off his penis
* Haylie Duff, Hilary's even more untalented sister
* Sandy, my favorite barista from Starbucks
* Mambo No. 5 singer Lou Bega
* The Soup Nazi
* Connie Chung
* Isaac Hanson, the oldest member of the singing Hanson family
* The San Diego Chicken
* MC Skat Kat from Paula Abdul's Opposites Attract video
* American Idol first season host Brian Dunkleman
* Lark Voorhees, Saved By The Bell's Lisa Turtle
* The elderly woman from the "I've fallen and I can't get up" commercial (if she's still with us)
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