Battleground

Another week, another star student to take out to lunch. Today it was Austin who chose Arby's. Everything was going just fine as we were eating until he told me that his stepmom had a baby in May. He followed this up by saying that his mom and his stepmom used to be best friends until his dad decided to move in with the best friend who is now the stepmom. Where do these people live? Wisteria Lane? Is there a guy chained up in the basement too? As Austin finished up his chicken strips he tipped the box up and began licking the inside of it to get the last few crumbs. Now if an 8-year old Ella is ever smashing her face into the bottom of a hot fudge sundae cup, writhing her tongue around for the last few drops of chocolate please feel free to swat her head away.

We headed to the parking lot to get into the car when Austin opened his door so wide that it banged into the car next to us. I looked and saw that there was someone sitting in the pimped-out Fast and the Furious car. Immediately the juvenile delinquent/black thug in a white man's body/wannabe Vin Diesel jumped out of his car decked out in Diddy's Sean John clothing line and raced over. "Whatchu doin' son?" he said to Austin, who gets literacy support and can't understand a simple sentence in a book let alone this high school drop-out jive. Thoroughly perplexed, he just stood there and said "Sorry." I examined both vehicles, neither of which had a single scratch. I too apologized and he just stared at me like he was unsure of what to do next. I was waiting for Slim Shady to challenge me to a freestyle battle right there in the Arby's parking lot. Finally, I said "Well we have to be getting back to school" to which he responded by reaching out his hand to me and doing one of this ridiculous handshakes with the fists and the thumbs. I never understand when people (especially white people) do that. Basically it's like a retarded version of a thumb war. We said our requisite "peace out" goodbyes and started to "roll out." Maybe I need to start rethinking this whole star student thing.