Diarrhea of the mouth

I just got back from taking Ella and Liam to the library to pick out some Christmas books. They love it there with the birds, the fish tank, and all of the toys and puzzles. It’s always quite the scene when it’s time to leave because Liam screams and cries all the way out of the door. Ella especially loves the puppet theater and every time she goes behind there and puts on a puppet show for us. Liam likes to go back there for one of two reasons. He either quietly knocks over all 38 puppets to the floor or sits in the corner and craps his pants. Today it was number two. Literally. When he emerged from behind the curtain it smelled like he had just finished an 18-hour shift with the sanitation department. I rounded both of them up along with the books and movies and headed for the counter with our library card. Of course, Liam started throwing a fit and I think deliberately arched his body so his butt came two inches away from my nose. Ella asked me why we couldn’t just take him to the restroom and change him. I hate trying to maneuver him on one of those fold-out contraptions on which you don’t know whose dirty butt cheeks were on there right before your child’s. As the librarian was scanning our items, Ella reminded me that “Daddy you went poop in there last time.” I couldn’t bear to make eye contact with the woman behind the counter, so I told her thank you with my head hung down in embarrassment as we headed home to change my son and beat my daughter. Just kidding.