Still waiting for the stars

It’s no secret that I’m not a fan of Dancing with the Stars (http://mritchason.blogspot.com/2007/02/dancing-with-people-who-look-vaguely.html). I find that they throw around the term “stars” much too liberally. I have yet to see Will Smith doing the foxtrot or Meryl Streep waltzing across the dance floor. Yet in all truthfulness I’ve never endured an entire episode, so I might have missed that when I flipped the channel to order the pancake puffs pan from that infomercial. Mmmmm, crab cake puffs. Today online I came across the lineup for the next season which starts September 22. I’ve already marked my calendar. Here’s a look at some of this year’s competitors:

Warren Sapp (retired NFL player) – Um, it’s football so…..well…..I’ve got nothin’.

Ted McGinley (Actor) – With this guy’s not-so-illustrious track record on TV, Dancing with the Stars will be cancelled by October.

Misty-May Treanor (Olympic gold medal-winning beach volleyball player) – A teacher at school today was shocked that I didn’t know who this was. “Haven’t you been watching the Olympics?” she lashed out. Unless your name is Michael Phelps, Kobe Bryant, or those American gymnasts I’m not really interested.

Mark McGrath (Lead singer of Sugar Ray) – I’m docking him a vote for each time I’ve heard that annoying “Every Morning” song. That should leave him at - 2,873,024 votes in the hole. Good luck!

Cody Linley (Hannah Montana actor) – If a pop culture junkie has to Google someone’s name to figure out who he is, then he’s probably not a star.

Brooke Burke (Model/TV host) – I remember her from that Wild On show on E! and she’s married to that guy from Baywatch. “That guy from Baywatch”? Hey, with a description like that he’s just what the producers are looking for next season.

Lance Bass (former member of N’Sync) – As long as I don’t have to listen to him sing anymore, it’s all good.

Kim Kardashian (star of Keeping Up With The Kardashians) – If all it takes to get on this show is to star in your own sex tape, then I look forward to seeing Screech, Mini Me, and my grandma in the mix next year.

Cloris Leachman (82-year old actress) – This will probably be the death of her. Literally. I hope she’s updated her will and someone at ABC is on set with those defibrillator paddles.

Toni Braxton (Grammy-winning singer) – She’s my pick to win it this year. If the poor man’s Whitney Houston can’t do it, well then nobody can.