Return to sender

This morning I opened my school email and had two messages waiting for me. The first was from a student who I had two years ago. I really like hearing from old students to see who their teacher is, what they're into now, and to hear that I'm still their favorite teacher.

hi mr. ritchason! this is allyssa sorrells. i am now in 5th grade. i was wondering how you, your wife, and ella are doing. i also heard you had a new baby and was wondering three things:

1. what you named it

2. if its a boy or girl

3. how old it is

I didn't wish you a happy new year yet so i thought now is better than never. HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and also happy valentines day a few days late! i hope you still love american idol. every time i see it it reminds me of you.i got mr.hoffman last year and mrs.heaton this year. I also have a student teacher just like miss.graham her name is miss.hilst. oh by the way have you heard from miss.graham i heard a rumor that she died and didn't know if it was true. i hope it isn't and that she has a family.

yours truly,

allyssa

Never fear, I've emailed my former student teacher up in one of the Chicago suburbs to make sure she is still alive. Come to think of it I haven't heard from her since November. Drew Peterson strikes again. Maybe he also made the capital letters in Allyssa's email disappear too.

The second was from our school's literacy assistant, an older lady that resembles Skeletor from the old He Man cartoons I watched religiously as a kid every Saturday morning. My students hate going with her every day and this should provide some insight into their reasons why.

FYI: This morning I asked Tony to stay after I sent the kids back for dismissal. I told him I needed to talk to him privately for just a minute. When they left, I said, "This is about hygiene. You have a smell. You must be very careful to wipe well. If you think you have gas but you are afraid it might be more, ask to go to the restroom. Teachers always let you go if you need to." That's pretty much it. The odor has occurred several times lately, and I just felt I had to say something short & to the point.

Wow, she has such a way with words. Her descriptive prose allows me to almost smell the turd in his underwear.