Hired help

This morning Ella and I popped into Starbucks for a quick drink. I placed my order which came to $5.80. I gave the cashier a $10 bill and she gave me back a nickel in change. When I asked her about it she didn't seem to get it and simply said "Well that's what I was supposed to be." I wanted to tell her that even the boy in my class that alternates all day between eating his boogers and his scabs could figure out the correct change. I finally got my change and my coffee and sat down. As Ella was eating her $2.00 cookie a different worker came up to talk to Ella. She asked how old she was and I replied fifteen months. Then the woman said "Oh she's almost one then." The last time I checked there were twelve months in a year. And if it couldn't get worse she kept saying about how much it looked like Ella was enjoying her croissant. Chocolate chip cookies and croissants look nothing alike. I thought to myself that the lady seemed relatively well-adjusted for being on crack. I couldn't take much more of it so I wiped off Ella's mouth and wrapped up the rest of her "croissant" for later.

Quenching the thirst

Each week my class has a different "star student." During that week they get to hang up their photographs on the bulletin board, be first in line for everything, and bring in show and tell items. But I guess the biggest perk is that I take them out for lunch one day at the spot of their choosing. Today this week's student chose McDonald's so we headed for the golden arches. After placing our order I asked him if he wanted any ketchup to go with his fries. He asked for five cups of ketchup which I thought was a bit much but oh well. We sat down and he started eating the fries. Later when he only had a few left I noticed the ketchup sitting on the table untouched. When I asked him about it he said "Oh ya I almost forgot" while reaching for his straw. After taking it out of his soft drink he placed it in one of the ketchup containers and began drinking the ketchup. It took everything in me to not vomit up my Chicken Selects. He proceeded to finish drinking all five cups and had the nerve to ask for even more. When I declined we went outside and headed back to school. Needless to say his breath smelled rank the rest of the day.

Guess what your grandchildren told me

This Sunday is Grandparents Day so my class is putting on a program for all of their grandparents tomorrow afternoon. We've made crafts, written letters, practiced skits, and worked on poetry. Here are just a few of the things I have been told by my students in the last few days:

* "I don't see my grandpa anymore because he decided he was gay and now he lives in Florida."

* When I asked a girl if her grandma was coming she replied, "Well I know that she would really want to but she died this summer."

* "My grandpa and grandma took us to see Cars and my grandpa fell asleep. Grandma said to let him sleep but in the middle of the movie he farted two times so we woke him up."

* While using each of the letters in "wonderful" to come up with a phrase to describe a grandparent I noticed that one boy had some unlikely words for the letter O. "Well my mom calls my grandpa an old fart all the time."

Hit me with your best shot

So my final concert of the summer came last night when I went to Bloomington with my dad to see Pat Benatar. I skipped the VMAs which is kind of ironic because she was the first female artist ever to have a video on MTV (useless trivia that I can't seem to get rid of). Granted Benatar is one of those artists that haven't made a substantial contribution to the music industry in years and is basically getting by on the old hits (Elton John, Billy Joel, and the like). Yet there is no denying her talent. When you hear that raspy voice you know who it is. She put on an amazing show with all of her best loved songs. My only quibble would be with the length of the show. After less than a dozen songs she headed backstage before coming back for her encore. But for $35 I guess you can't expect a three hour Springsteen spectacular.

Set List
All Fired Up
Shadows of the Night
Sanctuary
Wide Awake In Dreamland
Invincible
We Live For Love
We Belong
Let's Stay Together
Hell Is For Children
Hit Me With Your Best Shot
Heartbreaker

Encore
Promises in the Dark
Love Is A Battlefield