Mistaken identity

Tonight we made a quick trip to Walmart to get a few items. As we were getting the everything out of the cart to pay for them, Liam started pointing and saying “Shrek! Shrek!” over and over again. I looked around for a discarded DVD or those Pez dispensers they always have by the check-out. I couldn’t see anything, but he kept pointing at the cashier and yelling “Shrek!” I studied her nifty blue vest for a Shrek button or something but she wasn’t sporting a single piece of flair. I then realized that he might be calling the cashier by that name. She was a rather large woman. So large that she had to sit down on a stool while she rang us up. So large in fact that Bob and Jillian would throw their hands up in surrender. Now I realize that pointing at someone and categorizing them as a giant, oversized, green ogre isn’t the most complimentary title. It’s like calling a person unpatriotic.….or a slut.….or a Holocaust supporter…..or Rosie O’Donnell. These tend not to go over very well. As I was trying to quiet Liam down, of course Curious George’s sister Ella had to pipe in. With a quizzical look on her face she asked, “Daddy, why’s Liam calling that girl Shrek?” I lied and said that I thought he was telling us that he wanted to rent Shrek from the Redbox by the door. She didn’t buy this and pressed the issue further. “Maybe because she looks like Shrek,” she added, as I prayed that the cashier would just eat me and put me out of my misery. I handed the woman a $20 bill and didn’t even wait for my change or receipt. Sometimes you’ve just gotta cut your losses and call it a day.