Today Liam and I stopped at Starbucks after running some errands around town. I ordered my drink and found a cramped spot to sit in the midst of all the tables. I pulled a donut from the store out of Liam's bag and began breaking it up in pieces for him to eat. To our left was a woman interviewing for a job at Bergner's, while behind us sat a realtor finishing up the paperwork foir a new listing. On the right near the window sat a woman with her laptop and a pile of receipts. Liam is completely my son because the boy can eat all day long. He screeched excitedly as he devoured each bite of donut. The woman with the receipts was chatting loudly on her phone about an upcoming trip to Florida. She went on and on about the condo they were staying at for $3,000 a week. First of all I hate people that talk at the top of their lungs just so everyone can hear how great they are. You're sitting in a Starbucks in Pekin wearing an orange banana clip in your hair and large red eyeglasses that even Sally Jesse Raphael wouldn't have worn in 1997. Wow, I'm so envious.
She went on to tell her friend on the line that she was sitting in Starbucks before adding "It's really loud in here. This baby in here keeps screaming." I couldn't believe she said that since we were sitting close enough that I could reach over and rip off the Guiliani '08 t-shirt she was wearing. I don't like confrontation so I just quietly stewed in my chair. It gets better. She went on to say "The dad just sits here and doesn't do anything." Alright, so I turned to look at her and gave her one of my patented "Are you friggin kidding me" looks. I'd like to think that I was so intimidating that she finished up her conversation, albeit by adding "Well I'm just going to head home where it's quiet to finish up these expense reports."
She closed up her laptop and while she turned towards the window to put it away I did something I'm not proud of. I took a handful of Liam's pieces of messy chocolate donut and tossed them into her open purse. Aha, gotcha! As she collected her belongings she walked past the two of us and glared at me as though I had just stood up on my chair, stripped down naked, and peed into my cup of chai tea. Now here's the best part. I watched her head out into the parking lot and as she stepped off the curb she tripped and coffee spilled all over everything she was carrying. The photo of Rudy on her t-shirt now looked a little more like Barack. And that my friends is what we like to call karma.
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