Lost in translation

Today the entire school went to see the Charlotte's Web movie in Morton. About halfway through, the film suddenly flipped upside down and then the entire movie began to run backwards. The dialogue too was disrupted and began to sound like one of those Twisted Sister songs that when played backwards tells you to kill your next door neighbor. The students became increasingly antsy as the seconds ticked by. I looked back at our principal who didn't seemed bothered by it in the least. After about three minutes of what sounded like the Malaysian version of the movie I walked over to the principal and asked her if she was going to let someone know about it. She looked baffled by my suggestion and replied "Oh, I thought they were just talking in animal voices and that's why I couldn't tell what they were saying." Not the smartest pig in the pen.

A weekend at the supermarket

The last two days I've had to run to the grocery store to pick up some odds and ends. Yesterday as I was leaving the parking lot I saw one of the students I had last year in my reading group walking along the sidewalk. He had a chicken leg in one hand and a lit cigarette in the other. Guess he was sleeping through that two-week unit we did on nutrition and a healthy body. Then tonight as I'm going into the store I hear a vehicle behind me with "Because of You" blaring. As it passes I look through the open window to see a fifty year old man singing at the top of his lungs. For some strange reason I doubt that when a 16-year old Kelly Clarkson wrote the song she never imagined that an older man in a cut off Harley shirt would be driving in a pickup truck in Kroger parking lot belting out the lyrics like a lovesick high school freshman.

Better than Viagra

My class has been working on a Charlie and the Chocolate Factory play which they will perform in two weeks. Today I asked them to create their own original candy inventions like Willy Wonka did in the story. Some of the creations were Spicy Gum ("keeps you warm on cold days"), The Dragon ("one bite and you'll breathe fire"), and Fudgey Gum ("makes you turn into fudge so you can eat yourself"). My favorite though was The Rock Box which gives the unrealistic promise of "making you as hard as a rock for 12 hours." Somewhere Larry King is smiling.