Exposed

Now working in a building full of women each day might sound desirable to some men. However, when most of those women are menopausal women in their 50's who think a good time is checking out the latest additions to the Cracker Barrel gift shop before returning home in time for the start of a Diagnosis Murder marathon on PAX, it's not that exciting. (Yes I know that I'm a teacher and that I wouldn't allow my students to write a run-on sentence like that, but oh well.) I mean there are some downsides in working with so many women. For instance, if someone happens to smell a fart you instantly are blamed for it. However, one of the bright spots is that I pretty much get the mens restroom to myself. If that doesn't sound like an incredible perk try being in a room all day with 26 eight-year olds. You will retreat anywhere for some private solitude. I mean a perfectly simple Martin Luther King, Jr. art project can turn into a scene from Hostel in 15 seconds flat. Now there isn't a lot of time in the day to be ducking out of the classroom. Because of this I find myself holding in my 4 morning cups of coffee and being uncomfortable all day long. This leads me to yesterday after school. I had held it in for about 5 straight hours so I made a beeline for the restroom right after all of my students had been picked up by their parents. Before going in I checked to make sure the janitor was preoccupied way down the hall and my fellow male colleague was still outside. After putting just one foot over the threshold of the restroom I was unbuttoning my pants. In about 1.3 seconds I was exposed. (And with that comment I've lost about 90% of you.) As I maneuvered past the toilets to the urinals I looked up to see the husband of one of the second grade teachers. He actually smiles and says hello before looking down and realizing that I look like George Michael circa 1998. I cup myself, unsure of who is more embarrassed. He flees in a split second and I suddenly no longer really need to go. I hurriedly collect my belongings from my classroom and race for the exit. Luckily I departed unnoticed but I don't know if I can show my face in front of his wife on Monday morning. Stay tuned....