Truly scary

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Rocket man

So last night I got to go to the Elton John show in Moline at the last minute. My stepmom got struck with yet another imaginary sickness that leaves her debilitated for six months. Dad needed someone to go so I swooped down for her $92 seat. Thanks DD. The show itself was great from start to finish even though Elton continually reminds you that he's getting up there in age. He now has a teleprompter discreetly fastened to his piano that scrolled through the lyrics all night. Also, at one point he tried to climb atop the piano and failed miserably. Kids, let this be a lesson to you to avoid drugs, alcohol, and eating a 20 piece bucket of KFC all by yourself.

The crowd was a diverse lot. I can only sum it up as a combination of a hospital volunteers meeting (people more than twice my age), a dinner party at Tim Gunn's place in Greenwich Village (upper-class gay men), and a Hillary Clinton campaign rally (idiots). A woman behind us reeked of cat pee and tequila. I didn't know whether to change her litter box or do a body shot off of her. An older gentleman in front of us leaned over to his wife at the start of every single song to ask her what song it was. It was like going to the opera with Marlee Matlin. I don't mean to be a musical snob, but if you can't hear the lyrics "Goodbye Norma Jean" and not figure out that it's Candle in the Wind, under which rock have you been hiding the last 40 years? There was another guy in the section over from us that looked like he should be reporting to Soldier Field for tomorrow's game. This guy was massive. I noticed as the concert went on he kept knocking back these fruity drinks. The more cocktails he had in him, the higher his arms went in the air. By the halfway point in the concert he was punching his fist in the air at every single note. That works if you're rocking out to Livin' On A Prayer. Not so much if the song is Daniel. After Elton took his final bows of the evening and the crowd dispersed, he walked past us sobbing, tears streaming down his face. "That was amazing!" he blubbered. Maybe powderpuff football is more his style. Next time lay off the cosmos, Carrie Bradshaw.

Set List
Funeral For A Friend/Love Lies Bleeding
The Bitch Is Back
Madman Across The Water
Tiny Dancer
Levon
Believe
Take Me To The Pilot
Goodbye Yellow Brick Road
Daniel
Rocket Man
Honky Cat
Someone Saved My Life Tonight
I Guess That's Why They Call It The Blues
Burn Down The Mission
The Bridge
Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word
Candle in the Wind
Bennie and the Jets
Philadelphia Freedom
Sad Songs (Say So Much)
I'm Still Standing
Crocodile Rock
Saturday Night's Alright For Fighting

Encore
Don't Let The Sun Go Down On Me
Your Song

Hi Chris!

Since the beginning of the school year every time I pass a first grade boy he always calls out "Hi Chris!" The first couple of times I just ignored him, thinking he was greeting someone else. But after he kept doing it I realized that he thought that was my name. So I just began saying hi to him every time our paths crossed in the hall. Today he was heading to the cafeteria as my class was getting ready to come back from there. I said hello to him as I ducked into the restroom. I sat down to go about my business when thirty seconds later his head poked under the partition. "Hi Chris!" he exclaimed with a huge smile on his face as though this is the most natural place for a conversation. Senator Larry Craig I'm not. All I could come up with was "I think you're supposed to be eating lunch right now buddy." He looked back at me with an "Oh ya" expression before saying goodbye. Let's just hope he doesn't go home tonight talking about seeing Chris' weiner.